A long, black dress makes me nostalgic.
One of the most important lessons my parents have teached me growing up was that I was always going to be the only one in charge of my body and to this day, I really cannot thank them enough for it. They have always, always let me make my own decisions as to what I was going to wear, no matter if my decision was to only shop in the boy’s section for a few months, wear a wig and a party dress to school, wear all white to my confirmation (because honestly, no one had told me that you had to wear all black) or have the hairdresser dye myself bright blue strands in my hair. I sometimes wonder what my parent’s friends thought about them letting me choose everything about myself like that but I think my parents just didn’t care and for the most part, I didn’t either. It was also always the case that they tended to compliment me very often, both on my looks and my personality and that was always very nice of them because no matter how confident you might like to feel, sometimes it’s nice for a 12 year old about to wear laced thighs and cowboy boots to school to hear that their mum finds them beautiful.
The outcome of how I was raised is that I tend to find comfort and even confidence in fashion because it is a great way to feel absolutely in charge of myself.
All the while teaching me to embrace my individuality, my parents have never failed to remind me to not solemny base my confidence on my looks and never be vain or judgemental about those of others. They have tried to teach me that I have to do whatever I can to be happy, and that raged from wearing what I wanted to wear, to how to act with people, putting myself in a healthy and safe environment, both for me and the people dear to my heart and everything else that serves to make a person happy and healthy (but that’s a whole different story).
The main message of this post is probably that I cannot thank my parents enough for being the people they are and encouraging me and my siblings to be who we are. It’s always a good way to raise your children to have critical thinking skills and let them discover what makes themselves happiest and then let them make their own decisions. I hope that my children will feel the same way about me too, one day. I will always appreciate them a lot and will probably never understand how they have managed to somehow raise us with confidence and care. They will always serve as rolemodels to me because they are not only amazing people but also in a never ending process of self discovery and acceptance (wrinkles are not you enemy, it only means that you are getting older and wiser!) that I can only wish for myself to achieve one day.
This means by no way that I am absolutely confident with everything about my looks, and my personality for that matter (hey, who is?) but I am happy to say that I’ve never felt limited as to what I allowed myself to express through my outfits. Even though I’ve definitely had my why the fuck did I think that wearing this would be a good idea Moments where I strongly considered hiding in the school bathroom for six hours so I wouldn’t have people looking at me anymore, I know that fashion gives me the opportunity to show people what I want to be seen as without having to talk and change my appearance every single day regarding as to what I feel like in that specific day. This means that I have my boho days, rockstar days, grunge days, chill days (and by ‚chill‘ I don’t mean ‚wearing sweatpants the whole day‘-days, I mean ‚I didn’t change out of my pajamas and I am not bothering to put on new ones tonight‘-days) or, for the matter of the long black dress photos of this look, my excentric and elegant days. And no, I did not wear this outfit for a fancy dinner, I wore it to go grocery shopping.
The number one agenda for myself and all of you people reading this post today is: wear what makes you happy and try not to think about what other people may think for a day. If you being confident means you are going to wear jeans and sneakers for the day, wear that. If it means wearing nail polish even though you happen to be born in a male body and society isn’t always accepting it of that, wear nail polish (but please remember to be safe if you live in an unsafe environment. If you happen to be surrounded by insensible people you can always rock that nail polish in your bedroom!). If it means wearing a party dress to school, wear it. Talk about dress codes duh. Try to put your own happiness first! It may not always be easy but it also may make you feel better.
The tip that I have to learn and relearn everyday is that there is nothing vain about liking how you look or what you wear. And while you should try not to base your happiness and confidence solemnly on your looks, it is a great way to boost it!
I hope you’re having a very happy and daring week outside of your comfort zones!
Love, Carry <3
The photos were taken by my lovely cousin Sophia. She is one of those people who always tell you that they love you when they see you and I love her back even more. If you want to check her out, her Instagram is @harrymarry_1 but I think she’s let it private.
My dress is by Mango, hat by H&M, necklace by Vero Moda