CHANGES

Both autumn and University are starting

Hallo ihr Lieben!

It’s a cold day in early October and I’m seated at a wooden table in my University’s library for the first time. The windows to my right go all the way from the floor to the ceiling and I can tell it’s rainy outside even though I can’t see the rain falling. It just looks blurry and grey. The very few people walking outside are looking down to shield their faces from the rain.

Across the table from me a girl is typing away on her laptop. She’s wearing a burgundy scarf and a cardigan that matches, her hair in a messy bun and she looks like autumn. Maybe she is studying. Maybe she is like me and has just moved into a new apartment that doesn’t quite feel like home yet and has no internet connection.

Two boys just came in to sit on the table to my left. They are laughing quietly. The girl across from me is chewing on the nail of her index finger. Outside, summer is being washed away by autumn.

I’m wearing a cardigan I bought yesterday even though I really should be saving money right now and I have my glasses perched on top of my nose. They make seeing a lot easier but I don’t like wearing them. I’m not taking the cardigan off inside even though I didn’t bring a warmer jacket with me. The song in my headphones stops.

Sitting here typing really makes it sink in that this is it – this is what I’ve been waiting for for so long. I’m starting Uni this week! I’ve had such high expectations for the next couple of years for the longest time and I’ve been so excited. Everything worked out the way I wanted to: I got accepted into a great Uni for a major that I feel like I will really like.  I passed the test to get in. I’ve moved to a town I love a few days ago.

The leaves outside look too wet to be crunchy when you step on them.

I’m really nervous about what is to come, as should be expected. Everything in my life has felt like constant change for the past few years and it’s crazy to think that I just moved back from Australia. Now I have moved again to start this completely new chapter with new people, new expectations and the power to shape my future exactly the way I want it to be.

I’ve moved into a flatshare with two other people because rent is expensive and I didn’t feel like living alone right now. I really hope this is for me. I despise conflict of any kind and I feel like it’s going to be hard to express my opinions with my roommates. It is weird living with people you barely know.

The boys to my left have left and their vacant seats have been taken by a girl with short black hair and glasses. She looks like she might be waiting for someone. She sneezes and I say “Bless you”. She thanks me without looking up from her phone.

I hope the clicking of my keyboard doesn’t annoy the people around me as I type.

I’ll be heading home soon (home!) and try to keep in mind that everything is going to be okay. I’ve been nervous before. I’ve certainly had anxiety before. But I’ve also weathered harder storms before.

I hope you’re having a good week,

Carry

Canon EOS 600D (18mm, f/3.5, 1/40 sec, ISO1000)

 

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